nirvana

This must be the best feeling in the world. To be where you know you are supposed to be for that moment, with all the hope and great possibilities for the future. This is the best feeling ever. I quit my job 3 months ago and I feel like someone cracked my back, it hurt but it is in the right place now. My children are happier, my husband is happier and I feel so high. It is the best feeling ever. My business has started, I have made work for myself and everything I have wanted is right here. I could cry the way this makes me feel. And Boyz to Men is on the radio. What a feeling, thank you Lord for this, thank you.

Food wars

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I saw a rerun of an episode of a talk show the other day with a woman talking about her weight loss surgery and her new life. She mentioned that she always would have a BK Double Whopper with Cheese. Both, the woman and the host "mmmmed" at the thought. It was then I thought about how none of these things looks good to me anymore. I was never really a BK fan, but a bucket of KFC often looked quite scrumptious after a long day. Cheesecake and ice cream would melt my heart! I think that feeling dissipated in the "food is not your friend" part of the SY program. Somehow, those loving thoughts make absolutely no sense after that. Those foods became as desirable to me as a bottle of baby milk. The concept that food is not my friend has utterly removed that aspect of my battle with food and I love it. That is the beauty of this program.
I always felt that eating healthy was quite exotic. All the combinations of vegetables, the different ways to prepare chicken, oh, lovely hot soups. So many things to choose from. So why did I keep eating the same crap over and over? I mean, think about it. We do not even eat different crap; it is the same chocolate bar, the same fried chicken, the same pastries. Man, there is a whole world of good healthy stuff out there, you will never be bored! That is why I knew something else was wrong. As a person that NEVER ate when I was upset, emotional eating was definitely NOT my problem. Truth is though; I did not know what was. Why was I always having this battle within me? I want to eat a salad, but I cave and get KFC. I want to eat some soup at night but I'll just settle for a peanut butter sandwich (or two). Why couldn't I treat myself to a lovely healthy menu instead of eating a burger I did not really care for anyway?
So here is what I learnt. I honestly did not think I was worth the trouble. Sadly, because I did not care much about myself. It's even harder to care about anybody else either. Yes, I understand now why overweight parents have overweight children. If you do not care enough about yourself not to bring the unhealthy food in the house, no matter how hard you try, it will get into your children. The SY program helped me see that girl that has been hurt by unkind words and who has been hiding behind a lonely façade. I met myself. And I had to apologize too. Because I had been the biggest culprit of all, hurting myself, saying unkind things to myself, ignoring myself and not taking care of myself. Telling myself, that I was not even worth more than a bucket of fried chicken. Sad eh? Yeah, I cried too, quite a bit when that thought hit me. My husband was a little disturbed but he understood. So for those of you reading the book, or doing the program, commit to it. There is not only weight loss around the corner but peace of mind and what is better than that?

Making good choices

I got angry yesterday. Riled up angry. I was just about to go get lunch too. Ample opportunity to get something I should not be eating and be too angry to care. However, this time, I not only faced what was angering me but I openly defied the urge to eat it away. Yeah, why should I eat crap because I am angry? I was so annoyed. I stood at the fast food place and bought my husband's lunch and then off I went to the supermarket to get something healthy. Really, I got a slim fast (190 cals), a small bottle of coconut water (30 cals) and great for this ridiculous heat) and two small fruit cups for my son and myself. And guess what, it cost less than anything I could buy for lunch. I was so full after the fruit cup too. I was still angry but I did not further add to my frustration by eating what I should not. What I felt though, (which was new) was another type of anger at myself for always hurting myself with food when I was hurt. That thought not only helped me to stop the emotional eating but to seek out an option that has always been there but invisible to my eyes that usually only see cakes, pastries and ice cream.

Just the way you are

 

Well its day 3 of the evolution and I have found it remarkably easy to exercise and stay on track with my eating plan. I have started this with so little fanfare; it is almost as if nothing is happening. I wanted to write this blog to capture this moment. I know this is it. It certainly feels quite unceremonious though. I usually have to make a big deal about things to get them done.

This is a shrink yourself consequence though. I have found that this program is like planting a patch of grass on a bare yard. It looks funny there but then it takes root and spreads and before you know it, you have an entire lawn. You forget that that area was ever bare. I have quite a few SY (shrink yourself) consequences and I honestly love it. One of them is that I like myself and I do not hate myself. Not saying awful things to myself. I would say such horribly unkind things to myself, it's no wonder I was numb to the world.

However, here's the thing, instead of being mean to me, I am quite nice now and I do not tell myself that I have to be. It's just automatic. So much so, that a funny thing happens to me now. I love music, I am a vocalist actually. Nothing gives me chills like music. I always find that songs say exactly how I feel. Just like you might sing "I will survive" or "Irreplaceable" after a bad breakup, I have songs for everything. Music just says what I have trouble saying. (not that I don't try!) Then when the situation changes the song changes.

Anyway, lately, all the songs are about me. Like I am singing them to myself. Yeah, I know, strange, but nice. I think everybody should do this though; it is nice to say nice things to yourself and not always wait for someone else to tell you. You never know, your self might actually feel special. I have included the lyrics below to my latest favorite song about me. Remember you the next time you hear it and tell me it does not make you smile. Will write again tomorrow, weigh in day!!!!

 

So here's my latest song:

Bruno Mars, Just the way you are.

Just The Way You Are Lyrics

Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are(yeah)

Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok
You know I'll say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
The way you are, the way you are
Girl you're amazing, just the way you are

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are. Yeah

http://www.elyricsworld.com/just_the_way_you_are_lyrics_bruno_mars.html

my total evolution program

Welcome to my total evolution!

Having completed the Shrink Yourself program it is now time to evolve. I will discuss the various aspects of my program as I go along. But it really all started with Dr.Gould and the Shrink Yourself Program for emotional eating. This program has been the glue to combine everything that I know and have tried. And I think I have seen it all. Each element would float around in my mind. Now, I that have them all together in one place, its my time. The program I have made for myself is below and I will write each week with my progress. There may be some pictures too so stay close. Enjoy!

Oh, and I started yesterday.

Start date-June 5^th, 2011

End date- September 4^th, 2011

Start Weight- 262lbs

Goal Weight at the end of 12-week evolution- 230lbs

Weekly weight loss goal-2-3lbs/week - 32lb weight loss

Features:

1. Emotional Eating :Shrink Yourself Program
   


2. Healthy Eating: Marlene's Weight Loss Clinic
   


3. Exercise Program: Jillian Michaels' Workout Programs & DVD's
   


4. Weekly Weigh-in- NEWO- every Thursday to post on board/FB
   


5. 
   
   Enter and compete in 5k or Triathlon